Confession: New Year’s is always a struggle for me.
For years, I felt the need to make resolutions, pressured to do more and better all in the name of self-improvement. I vowed to exercise every day, eat veggies and lean protein for every meal and snack, and swore off breads and sweets, so I could lose weight and be healthier. I promised to read more books, study my Bible and pray more consistently, journal more, send cards and food to those who were hurting, spend more time with my kids and other loved ones, all in an effort to improve my relationships with God and others.
For years, I felt the need to make resolutions, pressured to do more and better all in the name of self-improvement. I vowed to exercise every day, eat veggies and lean protein for every meal and snack, and swore off breads and sweets, so I could lose weight and be healthier. I promised to read more books, study my Bible and pray more consistently, journal more, send cards and food to those who were hurting, spend more time with my kids and other loved ones, all in an effort to improve my relationships with God and others.
When I first started making resolutions, I worked hard to accomplish them, at least at the beginning of the year. Slowly, but surely, real life would creep in or an unexpected event would pull me off track, and I would lose my resolve to continue, then guilt and feelings of not being “good enough” would overtake me. I read blogs about how to better keep resolutions and sought advice from those I saw as successful and disciplined enough to do so. Mostly, it boiled down to making short-term specific goals in order to reach long-term goals and having someone to hold you accountable to your goals.
This is a pretty accurate image that captures what my life feels like! Right now, I could replace the baby with car keys or steering wheel since I spend quite a lot of time chauffeuring my older boys around. Soon, though, there will be another baby in my arms!
Seems like wise advice, right? I would try to apply such goal-setting principles, with some success, but I never felt like I was really accomplishing my resolutions. I always ended up feeling like I was failing because I never completely met my goals. For several years, I made resolutions, knowing I would not keep them, just to be able to say I at least made them. Last year, I basically resolved to keep doing what I was already doing!
This year, I’ve decided not to make specific resolutions. I just want to try to be better each day than I was the day before. And, when I have a bad day, I’m not going to beat myself up about it. So much grief and loss in 2017 (and really, in the last few years) revealed something to me, something I already knew but didn’t really appreciate before: Life is short. We all say it, and we mean it, we really do, but we don’t always live it. My intention this year is to live like life is short and try to make the most of each day, rather than try to cram more into it.
My sister-in-law delivered twins a bit early, so we were unable to have our traditional Christmas Eve party with Chris's family. We made the most of it by visiting through the nursery window, followed by dinner at Waffle House!
Now, before my friends and family begin to freak out, please know that I’m not just throwing all discipline to the wind! I am still going to take care of myself, strive to be healthy, make plans, pray, and read my Bible. This is more about taking care of myself rather than not making resolutions. I’m not giving up; I’m just trying to give up feeling bad about myself. I’ve learned God loves me in all my beautiful mess, and you know what? So do the people I truly care about!
I'm currently reading a devotional on my Bible app called "Breathing Room" by Sandra Stanley, and on day 3, she says, "Knowing that your time is limited forces you to limit what you do with your time." I want to enjoy the time I have with my children, and I realize my parents won't be around forever, so I want to give them time together, too. And, that's true about all my family! I enjoy the work that I do, even on busy, frazzled days, but it's the reminders that the work I do matters to others that I really appreciate. It's the little moments that mean the most in each day, and I am going to try to cultivate more of those moments. I'm trying to cut out the things that suck up my time and zap my energy.
Of course, I’m still struggling. I’m still battling those old feelings of not being good enough or doing enough. God has already given me the gift of grace; I just have to learn to give myself grace every day. I feel pretty certain that I’m not the only person who struggles like I do. Surely there’s someone else out there?! So, if anyone has any advice or suggestions on how to give grace to myself, please share! I’ll take all the help I can get!
Here's to making the best out of a snow day in south Georgia! If only life would always be this peaceful!
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